All that having been said of course, a lot has changed for me in the last 4 or so years. I've grown wiser (I think). I've grown more level-headed (also I think). I've grown(?) smaller in size. I dated a couple of guano women. I stumbled upon the most amazing woman in the world (twice, actually). Left a good job for what I thought would be a great job (news flash, it wasn't). Then I started working for one of the largest companies in the world (hint BIG RODENT), something I didn't think that I would ever do (actually two things I didn't think I would ever do, work for a large multi-national company and specifically for the Rodent). All in all the last couple of years have been an interesting ride. I'll see if I can keep up more with this as I do enjoy having an outlet to put forth my thoughts and opinions (and keep the 10s of people who have ever read this page entertained).
Without much further ado and very little fanfare...let us get into the first post in a long time...
UA's 2016 SUMMER MOVIE EXTRAVAGANZA
OK, maybe that was a little bold. At least the heading wasn't blinking and flashing, eh?
Summer 2016 promises to be a good time for some movies. As I'm sure a whopping one person who reads this will see is that I didn't start off with "Captain America: Civil War" or "X-Men: Apocalypse". It isn't because I don't want to see these movies or that I don't think they will be fantastic (I do and they will). It has to do with the date of their release. To me, the "Summer Movie Season" runs from the Friday after Memorial Day through the last weekend in August, when most kids are out of school. So, like it or not, that is the time frame I'm going with.
Forewarning: I will not be listing ALL the movies. Just the ones I've got any interest in seeing, or the ones I just want to rip on. Why? It's my blog, that's why.
June
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Out of the Shadows
Two words: Bepop and Rocksteady. All that needs to be said. Even Megan fox couldn't make it that terrible...right?
Warcraft
I played the hell out of both Warcraft games growing up. I also, and might still do, played the hell out of World of Warcraft over the last decade. Yes, I'm looking forward to this because I remember all the hours I put into the characters and the story. Also, every time I see the preview with baby Thrall being put into a basket and pushed down the river I keep thinking "hmm, all he has to do is get knocked over and drown and the story totally changes." Yeah, I need to stop thinking at times.
Now You See Me 2
The bad news: Isla Fisher isn't in this one. The good news: Morgan Freeman is back and Daniel Radcliffe is in it. God and Harry Potter? The magicians are going to have to pull some major rabbits out of their hats this time.
The Conjuring 2
I'm a horror movie freak, anyone who knows me knows this. The first "The Conjuring", telling of one of exploits of the most famous demonic investigators in history, the Warrens, is a great flick. This time another one of their stories is brought more to light. Can't wait for some chills.
Finding Dory
Do I really need to say why I'm going to be seeing this one?
Central Intelligence
Dwayne Johnson. All that should need to be said. I'll see "The Rock" in just about anything. Hell, I saw "The Tooth Fairy", that should end all discussions there. Also, "big johnson" teehee, they are talking about his penis.
Independence Day Resurgence
Why no movie poster here? Because they are all terrible.
Sure, Will Smith isn't in it. Yes, somehow Brent Spiner's character, Dr. Okun, isn't dead. None of that matters. Bill Pullman will make some amazing speech about standing up for ourselves and we will all be patriotic and want to go and shoot up some aliens. Oh, and Jeff Goldblum will probably try to get you to go rent a new apartment. Probably. Also, a Hemsworth is in it, automatic cool points these days.
July
The Legend of Tarzan
Why no movie poster here? Because I got lazy.
Tarzan be tamed. Tarzan must save Jane. Tarzan must save jungle. Tarzan needs new plot device.
The BFG
I dunno honestly. Ever since I found out what Roald Dahl meant when he said "the snozberries taste like snozberries" I've kind of been turned off from anything adapted from his books.
Swiss Army Man
Harry Potter playing a dead, bloated body for the entirety of a film. OK, I'm intrigued.
The Secret Life of Pets
One of the best voice casts ever are brought together to show us what our pets do when we are away? Sounds like a great date night flick to me.
Ghostbusters
Why is there no movie poster here...read on.
If someone with a weak heart is reading this please look away now........are we safe? Good.
FUCK YOU. Never in all my life have I wanted a movie, whether it be an original idea or a remake, to bomb so badly.
Star Trek Beyond
Much like Independence Day Resurgence...there are no good movie posters for this flick.
I've loved the reimagining/reboot of the Star Trek series that J.J. Abrahms brought to us. I just hope that Justin Lin can continue to make them good. Pro: Simon Pegg was one of the writers. Con: Leonard Nimoy won't be in this one as he was unfortunately preoccupied being dead and all.
Jason Bourne
Want to see a movie poster for this one? Go to Google. Type in Matt Damon. Go to Images. Done.
Hmm, another entry in a long line of action movies that have gone from an actual name or using a numerical value for the sequel to using the character's full name for the last in the series. I admit to not having seen the last 2 Bourne movies so I'm not sure if I'll see this one either.
August
Suicide Squad
After the abomination that was Batman v Superman the folks over at DC/Warner Bros are bringing us one of the coolest groups they have to the big screen. The cast, amazing. The plot, awesome. The delivery, hopefully just as awesome. Apparently though, some reshoots were done after BvS did so poorly, hopefully this doesn't bode ill for the gang of criminals.
Sausage Party
Nothing. Nada. No poster whatsover at this time...
An animated comedy about what happens to food after it leaves the supermarket, written by the guys who brought us "This is the End" and "Pineapple Express". How bad can this be? The answer, sadly, is probably very. Very bad.
Pete's Dragon
I loved the original Pete's Dragon. It was fun. And I'm pretty sure that except for the dragon himself that the movie was already "live action". So making a "live action" movie of a "live action" movie is kind of redundant...no?
The Space Between Us
Yup, no poster yet either...
This I think could be the sleeper Sci-Fi hit of the Summer. A guy, born and raised on Mars, wants to go back to Earth to see where his people are from. What could go wrong? Oh, probably everything.
Well that's it ladies and gents. I'm sure the 5 of you who read this will have your opinions on what I've said, or about movies that I've left out. If you want, leave a comment and I'll battle your words with my own witty responses.
-UA
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