Friday, March 25, 2011

Peeps - Evil "Marshmallow" Treats

Peeps are evil!

I was going to have that be the only thing in this post, but even that is to quick for a post from me.  So I guess I should go into "why" they are evil.

1) They really only have a reason to exist during Easter.  As their main shapes are "bunny" and "chicken".  A candy that is only viable during one secular holiday must have a nefarious plan!  (OK on a side note I did discover they have special peeps for other holidays...but still doesn't matter)

2) They are "marshmallow" treats.  Sorry, to me if you can't melt them easily and sandwich them between graham crackers and a bit of Hershey bar or make them disappear in hot chocolate, they aren't real marshmallows (I've tried both with peeps and it is no bueno!).


3) Like animal crackers, which also freak the hell out of me, they have faces.  I have issues eating something that still has it's face.  I have no issue eating something that at one point had a face, but these things STILL HAVE FACES!  And yes, I did not like big chocolate Easter bunnies for the same reason back in the day.

4) I'm not the only one who believes this.  Visit Peeps are Evil and you'll see!  Sadly, this site hasn't been updated in some time, which leads me to believe that the peeps have indeed killed the creator of this web comic.

5) In high school, my Freshman "gifted" English teacher loved these things.  I hated her as she was a bull dyke who tried to force her opinions on easily impressionable high school students.  I didn't play her game (and could have gotten her fired a couple of times but didn't...though Lord looking back I wish I had).  I didn't like Peeps then, and I like them even less now.

In closing.  Peeps suck.  Eat them at your peril.  When they drill into your skull and start giving you directions like some South American parasite don't come crawling to me for help!

-UA

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